Long Lost Relatives

There was some family drama way back in the late 1980s. In a nutshell, my parents didn't approve of my choices (schools/majors, the man I fell in love with, how much independence a 19 year old should have...) and they made life as difficult as possible. So I left home and moved in with my poor, sweet boyfriend who had never had any of these issues with his loving and supportive family. Ahem. Yeah. So my parents spent the next several months calling and leaving nasty messages on his answering machine.  After all the drama, he still married me. Can you believe it? I am still in awe of his capacity to forgive.

Well, during these months of turmoil, my Dad's Mother passed away. I didn't even know she was sick. Did they ever mention this fact on any of the daily answering machine rants? No. So I never got to see her in the hospital and missed her funeral. Yes, it was vindictive and mean. But that wasn't the worst of the fallout. Because of the drama, I lost contact with all family from my Dad's side. I didn't know my Uncle or Aunt's addresses and my parents refused to forward wedding invitations to them. So my cousins missed my wedding too. I saw them briefly after I mended fences with my parents (also briefly) and went with my Dad to help clean out my Grandma's house. But they were cold, distant, and angry with me. As were my aunts and uncle.

No one wanted to hear my side of the story. God only knows what my parents told them, at the time. They all hated me. I've told the story of that day in a previous post. So, fast forward a whole bunch of years...

I noticed on my brother's facebook page that he had friended my cousin Sharon. Wow! I wanted to send her a friend request immediately. Then I remembered... she might still be angry with me. So I sent her a note. I want to send a friend request to her sister Beth too, but same deal. So I am waiting to see what kind of response I get. Is 20+ years long enough for tempers to cool and people to forgive a mistaken impression? We shall see. I had great times with those girls when I was a kid. They are fond childhood memories. I'd like to get to know them and their families again. Wish me luck!

The Great Money Hunt

I am laughing quietly to myself and watching the boys. It's like a fever!

A couple days ago Max was helping his dad clean up/pick up and he found some money. The Daddy said he could keep it. I told him not to tell his brother about it, because 12 dollars is a tidy sum and big brother would be jealous. Did he keep the secret? No. I told Tyler that the next time he helps clean up, he can keep any money he finds too. He had a better idea. Both boys are now in a money-finding competition.

3D Glasses help in money hunting!

They are running from room to room, combing any crack and crevice looking for loose change or bills. I had to holler that the cash on the bookcase by the front door (for the pizza guys), the cash next to the telephone (the emergency fund) and the cash on the kitchen counter (where John empties his pockets and where we fund school lunches) are all off limits. These two are not above petty larceny in their cash quest, so that proclamation was met with groans of disappointment. Sorry boys.

So far, Max's total is up to $15.37. Tyler found $4.28 in change. Max seems to have a talent for finding money that folds and Ty for money that jingles. Tyler isn't too happy about it. He is trying to find enough cash to spend on some virtual game boosters. I can't really pick on him for wasting money on imaginary video game crap. I've done it myself in the past. I am still chuckling. I remember combing the sofa cushions in my youth hoping to scrounge enough change for the ice cream man. A kid has to make a living somehow.

The Big C...

A couple folks have been following the unfolding drama on Facebook but, just to catch you up, 6 months ago I found a lump in my left breast. Ever since I got to meet my bio-mom and she let me know about her recent battle with breast cancer, I've been a bit more cautious. I was over-due for my semi-annual mammogram and the lump scared me into gear.

Imagine my surprise when the "lump" on the left turned out to be nothing but they found "something" on the right. I was told to track down my old scans from a previous doc/clinic so they could do a comparison. Was this a new something? Or something that has always been there and just disregarded. Fine. It wasn't easy tracking down my baseline scans. The clinic had been sold and changed hands a couple times, but we got them!

The bad news? Mystery spot was not on my old mammo. Oh boy. So the nice folks at the Breast Cancer Center at Morristown Memorial told me to come back in 6 months for a new scan...to see if anything changes.

Fast forward 6 months to my follow-up, which was yesterday, and guess what. The mystery spot is still there, but it is unchanged. Good news, right? Well, not entirely. They want me to come back AGAIN in another 6 months.

I was really hoping to be let off the hook. Just a friendly and reassuring smile with a "There's been no change, so we think you are ok. It's probably nothing." But no. I am on the hook for another 6 months of worry. *sigh*

I know it could be worse. I've been considering getting the genetic testing done to see if I have the breast cancer gene. Not that I really want MORE to be worried about, but forewarned is forearmed.

I am sore and stressed, but I want everyone out there to remember to examine your breasts each month. Boys and girls both! Yes, men can get breast cancer too! So feel yourselves up. Go ahead. Don't be shy. And if you are, um, mature like me, go for doc recommended mammograms.  It's not fun, but hey...it's easier than a colonoscopy. But that is a topic for another day.

Snappy

I posted links to my latest photo sprees on Facebook but didn't get any likes or comments. It left me feeling unloved. Or maybe the pics just suck. Ha! So I thought I would post links here too. Just in case I missed some peeps. ;)

See my eggs??!

And then there are these:

Sweet!

Who Do You Think You Are?

I've been enjoying this reality show about celebrities searching for their ancestry. I watched Rita Wilson's episode online tonight and found myself identifying with parts of her story. I found out not long ago that my grandfather had a first marriage to another woman before my grandma and he had a son that died at a very young age not long after his mother died. I got the feeling from my father that this "first family" was never discussed when he was growing up. He knows nothing about his half brother. To have such a huge tragedy in my grandfather's life - losing his first wife and son at such a young age, then remarrying and starting a whole new family... I don't know how anyone could move on and start over after such a tragedy. It boggles my mind.

My Dad's family isn't particularly close. I know virtually nothing about my Aunt D and only slightly more about my Uncle J and his family. I did spend time with my Uncle/Aunt and their 2 daughters when I was growing up, but lost touch with them in my teens. Haven't spoken with anyone on my Dad's side of the family in many years. My Uncle J and his wife had more than their share of tragedy too. They lost their only son in infancy. Another story that no one ever talked about. I guess that is just the way my Dad's family is. Tragedy is buried and never discussed. I have always believed that pain shared is pain halved. It helps to talk about things. My heart goes out to my Aunt M. I can't even imagine what they must have gone through.

My Mom's side of the family was also fairly close-mouthed about a lot of things. My mother and I had a long conversation one night about her family history. She has many unanswered questions about the early years of her Mother and Father's marriage. Something about them being broke and living with my Grandfather's family in PA for a time. Grandma didn't get along with her husband's sister. She felt very isolated and lonely being so far from her own family in upstate NY. I got the impression she was thrilled when her new husband gave in and moved them back to NY. But I have a feeling there is a lot more to her story. I'll never know any of the details. All of my grandparents died long ago. I think my Mom has some regrets that she never asked her own Mother for more details - pushed for more.

I strongly feel we are all a product not only of our present, but of our past. These family stories are part of who we are, what we are made of and where we come from. It's why I felt such a strong desire to seek out my birth parents and hear their stories. Hearing my birth mother tell me about her family/childhood and some of the details about how I came to be really filled a hole I had. Part of me is still missing. Hopefully I'll have all the pieces connected one day.

With the internet and websites like ancestry.com I know many people have become amateur genealogists. I did some research with Tyler when he had to do a family tree last year as a class assignment. We were able to find out all sorts of interesting things about John's side of the family. Several of his cousins have researched the family fairly extensively. It's fascinating. I know my family has a lot of interesting stories hidden in the past, but sadly I don't think we will ever know the full truth.

Yet another reason why I feel compelled to write down all the stories of my life. All those seminal moments that helped make up the person I am today. I think my boys will appreciate this digital document some day. It will help them know and understand their Mom a lot better. Warts and all. :) Plus it gives me many opportunities to tell and show them what a miracle they both are to me and how much I love them.

Things... I have too many of them.

Once upon a time I was a very sentimental person. I assigned great value to many of the things in my life. They reminded me of people and major life events. Sometimes the link was tenuous, at best, but I held on to that thing as a tangible reminder. I wasn't too happy about all those things the first time I moved out on my own. It was nice when the military was moving us around. Movers packed up most of our stuff. I couldn't afford that when I had my own first apartment.

Then I moved again. And again. And again. And again! Did I learn a lesson from any of those moves? No. I (then we) just moved to bigger places with more space for stuff.

We've been in this house for a very long time now. Time has flown by really. But lord have mercy how much stuff we have accumulated. There just isn't any more space. A few years ago I found myself looking around in a souvenir shop while we were on a family vacation. My habit had always been to buy some small trinket to remind me of our trip. This time something was different. I found myself hesitating.  

Do I really NEED another keyring, tee-shirt, or other assorted dust collector for my packed knick knack shelves at home? No. But I always get a little something! Why? It's a souvenir! Uh huh. And what are you going to use it for? Have you ever used those coasters? The place mats? The apron? Um...no. Then why are you going to buy more???

Good point, me. So I didn't get anything. It was oddly painful but good at the same time. After all, I had tons of photos. I always take tons of photos. And they don't take up much room.

I've continued to reexamine my attachment to things over the last few years. What will happen when I die? There will be a whole house full of useless crap that chances are, my kids won't remember the significance of. They will have a huge yard sale or just throw it all out. Maybe accumulating stuff is a young person's game. My various collections of things have mostly lost their significance of late. Now they just take up space and cause me to stub my toes repeatedly.

I just don't want all this stuff anymore. I'd rather have an empty room with a chair, desk, bed and fridge. I'd cover the walls with photos. It's time to simplify. I am starting to understand my Grandmother a lot better now.

Anyone want a set of authentic Polynesian 'uli'ulis? A collection of Bermudan hand cast pottery? Blown glass art? Faux Ming vase and plate? A boat load of VHS movies from the 1980s and 90s? How about some baby toys? Crib? Various car seats? You name it, I probably have 2. You can have one! Really!

Maybe I should just have a whole house sale. Put out some signs, leave the front door open and take any reasonable offer. Sure the living room sofa is for sale. I have another one just like it in the basement. Want that one too?

The Day Tyler Got Independent...

Just dropped Tyler off at his friend's house. D was outside on a bike with his little brother (on a scooter). As I pulled away, I could see Ty walking up the street as his buddy rode his bike beside him. OMG. My son is OUTSIDE. WALKING. I waited for him to burst into flame...or something. This is the second day in a row Ty wanted to go hang out at his friend's house.

To most of you, this may sound like no big deal. But Tyler hasn't gone to a friend's house in a really long time. Not since the days of me arranging "play dates". It's nothing short of momentous. And terrifying. I wanted to just pull over and watch them from the van, just to make sure he was safe. But I realized it was time to start letting him be a responsible 10 and a half year old. When I was his age I was riding my bike all over town on my own without a second thought. It's a little different for Ty. He is often off in his own world and doesn't seem to see what is happening around him.  This can make the simple act of crossing a busy road REALLY worrisome. He doesn't always remember to look both ways.

Hopefully with three of them, they will look out for each other. Yell "CAR!" when a car drives down the road. I hope. I did quiz Ty before I dropped him off to make sure he remembers his phone number. To call me when he is ready to come home.

Crap. The urge to go back and get him is so strong. Must...stay...home. I am NOT a helicopter mom.

...

Please let him be ok. :(

Movie Reviews: Rise of the Planet of the Apes and The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

On the PC for tonight's viewing pleasure, the above mentioned films. Both were pretty well panned by the critics, but I am a sucker for sci-fi that has environmental or genetic manipulation themes.

Movie 1 - The apes are back and they have been digitally generated. That was the low point of the film for me. They just weren't rendered well, in my opinion, and that makes them less than believable and nearly impossible for me to feel any sympathy towards. I think short actors in costume with animatronic faces would have worked better. But I am old school that way. Overall I give the movie 3 out of 5 stars. Good plot line - altruistic scientist trying to find a cure for Alzheimer's ends up with an unexpected side effect in his ape subject. The ape gets wicked smart - smart enough to steal the retro-virus and spread the genetic alteration to his fellow apes. I like the updated story line. Much better than the original Planet of the Apes series plot where the simians were working as slave labor for mankind and they just sorta evolved and took over.

Spoiler!  Add in the twist that the retro-virus, while beneficial to ape-kind is actually deadly to humans and in the end turns into a global pandemic...well that would explain why all us humans are nearly wiped out much better than the apes turning into a military force that takes control of the planet. Those damn dirty apes! Watch for Tom Felton (aka Draco Malfoy) as the evil monkey preserve worker. Hello! NO trace of a Brit accent. Well done, you!

Movie 2 - Most of the time I cringe at remakes. There aren't many films that better the original. In this case, the update has such a different feel that, other than the main character being named Klaatu and the fact that he turns his big robot off with the classic alien phrase "Klaatu Barada Nicto!", this is pretty much where the similarities end. Again, I love a movie with a good environmental theme. Save the Earth! Kill the Humans! Well, no. Not really. Don't do that. We just need to learn to be more responsible with our planet. Go green, peeps!

That is really the point the nice lady scientist is trying to impress on the implacable Klaatu. We CAN change, given the right incentive. Impending Armageddon works nicely as incentive. Fix the planet or die. And not the slow death we are currently subjecting ourselves to with little regard for the future. Klaatu has a much faster way to rid our lovely Earth of all the pesky humans and any trace of their ruinous civilization. Some very cool special effects there. I give this one 4 out of 5 stars. And stop picking on poor Keanu Reeves, you mean mean critics. The man has a certain style that works here. He makes a damn fine alien. Love you, Keanu!

Movie Reviews: Priest and Cowboys & Aliens

I don't get out to the theater much, and when I do the films usually have chipmunks or animated toys. I did manage to see 2 movies today that I've wanted to see for a while now, thanks to Netflix.

First up was Priest. I love a good vampire movie. This one had some nice twists to it...post apocalyptic future, alterna-history, what-if type scenario with an odd religious element. I understand it was based on a graphic novel series. I'll have to look for those. The movie was action packed and fast paced. A little TOO fast paced, actually. I thought they moved the story along way too rapidly. There were some things I think the film makers could have lingered over. The origins and early battles of the Priests. More back story on the main characters. Build more slowly to the climax on the train. I was left feeling like I'd been rapidly smacked in the face 50 times and it just suddenly stopped. Reeling. Left to process what I'd just seen. Still rates 3.5 out of 5 stars on my awesome meter.

Next came Cowboys & Aliens. When I first saw the title of this movie, I thought, "Wow, that's a really stupid idea." Then I saw the trailer for it. Harrison Ford? Really?! So I added it to my queue. It starts out like a gritty western. The story sucks you in. The aliens show up and you finally start figuring things out. I like how the film maker left the audience feeling as clueless as the main character was (he had amnesia.) We know as much as he does. Which is almost nothing...except we know the aliens are going to show up sooner or later. The movie title told us that much. Again this was another alterna-history/what-if type scenario (I love those) that does a great job of answering the question What IF aliens landed on our planet like 130-150 years ago? 

We movie viewers have all been raised on sci-fi and comic books. The folks in the film had NO frame of reference except the bible to try and explain what was happening to their town. I instantly knew the guy was wearing a weapon with a proximity detector. He didn't. He sure figured it out soon enough, but they did a great job of leaving you wondering where he GOT it from. Bonus, the movie made me cry at 2 points. Amazing acting job on the part of Adam Beach. I remember him from Law & Order: SVU and the movie Windtalkers - plus a bunch of other stuff. He's yummy. Ahem. Oh! So anyway, I give this flick 4.5 out of 5 stars.

I need to get a life...

I read a news article yesterday about a Mom in southern California (I think) who drowned her two little girls. Sadly, there seems to be WAY too much news of that type these days. But what really struck me were the reported comments from her neighbors. "She kept to herself." "She never seemed to leave the house." "I don't think she had any friends in the neighborhood. No one really knew her."  That really hit home with me. Not that I am in any way, shape, or form thinking about harming my kids! Not that part. I can't fathom that part at all. I've never been able to understand how any mother could harm her children. No, the comments from the neighbors hit home because they could have been describing ME.

See, I don't get out much either. I don't really know too many folks in our neighborhood. I don't putter in a garden or socialize outside. At all. I don't really have any strong friendships with anyone local. I keep to myself, mostly. Why? Mainly because I am a complete introvert and have never felt comfortable in social situations. But realistically, I don't go out much because I am disabled. Chronic pain caused by a rainbow of reasons have me using a cane most days and a walker when I have to walk more than 10 feet or so.  Some of my physical problems have worsened in the last couple years and severe arthritis has slowed me down even more.

If it weren't for my family, I fear I would end up like that other news article I recently read about the guy who was found dead in his home after 7 YEARS. Yep. No one noticed he was gone... except his bank, who finally got around to foreclosing on his house and sent a realtor to assess the property. She found his mostly skeletonized remains on an interior staircase. I had a nightmare last night that it was me the realtor found. Cheerful thought, right? Comments from former co-workers were eerily similar. "He kept to himself mostly." "No one really knew him very well." "I thought he moved away!" Yadda.

The universe is sending me a message again. I need to get out more.

I did try. I spent 4 years helping out at my son's school. I had hoped it would help me make friends. Sure, now I am friendly with several ladies from the local PTA-like group I am a member of, but only to wave hello. Because of health issues, I haven't been to a single monthly meeting so far this school year, however. Sadly, none of the ladies I am friendly with have asked me if I am ok. No emails or phone calls wondering if everything is all right. I'm not pointing fingers! I know it's too easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and not really have the time to wonder about how others are doing. But it does help to make my point.

How do I fix this? What do I need to do so I don't end up a sad story that has my neighbors saying "We didn't really know her. She kept to herself."

My life is a sitcom...

After waking today NOT sweaty and finding out the furnace broke sometime in the night (can we turn off the heat every night, please?); after the doorbell ringing at 9 in the morning with a small but bulging box that must have weighed 90 lbs, at least (getting that up the stairs was fun); after Max's comical attempt to open said bulging box - what is the latest?

Tyler has been on a quest for a few days to find a new MMO (since Lego Universe shut down.) What does he find? A Dragon Ball Z MMO! Perfect for him, right? Only problem? There are 3 versions of the game...Korean, Chinese and Taiwanese. Hmm. Well, every game is set up pretty much the same way, right? How hard could it be to figure out how to install one of these three versions.

After explaining that he won't be able to read any of the menus, or character chats or probably even chat messages from other players, Tyler still wanted to give it a try. One language version wanted the Korean equivalent of our social security number. After trying a bunch of random combos, forward progress was stymied. On to the next version. You want our country specific cell phone number? What is the country code for China again?

No, that won't work. Next! Oh, there is an English language add on for this version of the game? Cool! But it doesn't translate everything. 5 hours to download? Wow...what are they using, 1200 baud dial-up modems? *snicker* Sorry, geek humor.

5 hours turned into 2 days of failed downloads with retrys, but we finally got the game installed and working. So far, Tyler loves it. Problem? Now Max wants it installed. Here we go again!

The language barrier hasn't been an issue, so far. Tyler found a forum post that mentioned which server all the English speaking players log on to. He did ask if I could find a "look up guide" online that shows the English translation of the various characters/words he is seeing. Umm...you mean a Taiwanese to English dictionary? That would be a BIG book, I think. Sorry son, there aren't any quick look-up guides for that.

I wonder how a request to add conversational Taiwanese or Chinese language classes to our small town's public school offerings would fly. Ha!

Amazon Must Love Me

I finally ordered a new mattress pad and pillow. I think I have milked all the mileage I am able to out of my current pad and pillow. I took the hint yesterday as I stripped the bed. I decided it was time to wash both the pillow case AND the "removable/washable cover" on my latex pillow. You know what? The pillow practically disintegrated in my hands. What a mess! I knew it was suffering from memory foam Alzheimer's (it no longer could remember it's original shape.) I did NOT know the pillow had suffered a complete breakdown.

When I stripped the sheets off the bed, the boys both came in and commented on the naked memory foam pad. "Mom? Can I sleep with you tonight on that side of the bed? I like how the bed is all squishy on your side and how I fit in your indent..."  My WHAT? Oh. Right. The pad has Alzheimer's too. How many years does it take memory foam to lose it's memory? For me, it's been about 9 years or so. But really, this pad could have been 86'd a couple years ago. Max's comment had me thinking. "Mom! Why is your bed yellow?!" Um. [He had me thinking gross!] That pad used to be white, honey. It's just very old. "Did you pee on it a lot like I used to???" Ummm. No honey. You have pee'd on it. So has your brother. But not Mommy.

The more I think about it, maybe I should donate this pad to science. What does 8+ years of night time kid invasions (with leaky diapers), years of night sweats with hormonal surges and other assorted thrills and spills contribute to the world of science? I have no idea. I'm curious what a microscope would show. And scared.

I'd say I deserve a new memory foam pad. The current pad is 2 inches thick (4 lb density). The new one is 3 inches thick (same density). Other than making it harder to stretch on my fitted sheets, I wonder what the extra inch will give me. I am hoping for a better night's sleep. Stay tuned...

New Addition

It's been over 10 years, but we have a new addition to our family. A cute butcher block cafe table and chairs! I think the last bit of furniture we bought was stuff for the nursery. The boys are currently sharing that set between their two rooms. Tyler has the day bed I used when I was single and Max is still sleeping in Tyler's old toddler bed. Yeah. They are next on the list for new furniture as soon as we find the right sets (nice quality but affordable - it's not as easy as it sounds.)

I wouldn't recommend waiting 14+ years for a kitchen table (this spot has been empty since the house was built) but I am pleased with our $199 bargain from Bob's. Thanks Bob! Now we can retire the TV tables my parents gave us as a gift all those years ago. Ha!

We just need to coach Tyler not to throw his body into the table as he sits down. I can just picture the table being shoved right through the sliding glass door. Yikes! I am also anticipating some objection when the boys realize this is where we are eating dinner tonight. No TV! Heh heh.

After the boys' rooms have been done, maybe I can finally get an HD TV...flat screen! Imagine, no more having to slam the side of the TV to clear up the picture when it goes wonky. Ah, 21st century technology... Maybe by the 22nd century I will have you. Ha ha!

The Sarcastic Mom - Has a nice ring to it.

I've been thinking about changing the title of my blog. Why? I don't think everyone "gets" me. See, I receieved a couple comments from friends on my last post that equated to "gosh, I hope you really aren't constantly on the brink of beating the kids..."  Um, no. Really!

Here is a good example of a Sarcastic Mom moment. Max approached me today and said, "Mom? I'm gonna steal a piece of your chocolate and put it in Tyler's underpants!" He was laughing so hard he could hardly get the words out. I replied, "Touch my chocolate, young man, and you will find out what it's like to grow up with no arms."  He ran away laughing, yelling back - "I'll sneak in tomorrow morning and steal some for Tyler's underpants! You'll be sleeping and never know!!" See. He gets me.

Tyler, on the other hand, is still trying to figure out the nuance of sarcasm. He doesn't read people well and takes everything they say at face value. He is very literal. I have to be careful how I phrase things with him. Maybe I should utilise him more as a sounding board. Bounce my ideas off him and see how he reacts. I should have given him our Christmas card "newsletter" to read and gotten his reaction.

That is another prime example of how people don't "get" me. The note I sent this year with our annual Christmas Card was VERY Sarcastic Mom. Classic. It began with something along the lines of "Another year is gone. We are broke. We are tired. The End." Followed with a "But seriously!" and some tidbits about our year. My husband's uncle promptly sent us a check in a return card with a very sweet note. He was concerned about us being "broke" and wanted to send money for the boys to help out.

Yes, I cried. It was touching! But oh brother, he did NOT get me. I mean, yes we really are broke, but so is pretty much every single income middle class American family in this economy. Am I right?

Don't send money. I will keep it. Now I am off to Google my new blog title. I'll bet you chocolate that it's already taken.

If You Can't Beat Them, Charge Them?

It can be difficult to enforce rules when you are a parent who tries very hard to never physically strike your children. Time outs have limited effectiveness and you can't use them too often or the positive effect is lost (or your child is spending most of the day in time-out.)

We used a chore chart for a while with a prize box reward system. That worked pretty well, until the chart was accidentally erased (wipe off white board) by our goofy cat. How? I had the chart leaning against a wall and the cat thought it was huge fun to run through the "tunnel" I made. His repeated passes turned him into a big furry eraser. Once the boys realized I had no idea how many stars they had earned for the month, the chores and good behavior went undone. Back to square one.

Then thanks to a couple jerks on YouTube who thought it great fun to use clips from my youngest son's favorite TV show and replace the 5 year old friendly dialog with a spew of curses and other inappropriate talk and did NOT identify their efforts as MATURE CONTENT, I have been treated to a string of four letter words from both my boys (who naturally found these videos totally hilarious.)  With a great deal of difficulty, I resisted the urge to smack the lips off their faces and came up with an ingenious punishment. If either boy utters one of the "you can't say that!" words within hearing of his sibling, he must pay his brother 25 cents. Same goes if Mom or Dad hears those taboo words. They owe us a quarter. Of course, to be fair, I made the punishment valid for John and I too. If we slip and the boys hear us, we pay them a quarter.  I gave them each a Post-It and taught them to keep track of the quarters owed with hash marks.

Since both boys are very protective of their respective piggy banks, this worked really well for a day or two. Then my clever little devils figured out how to turn the punishment into a money making scheme. They started accusing each other of swearing. His brother might not even be in the same room but "Moooom! Max said the A word!" Oh brother. The Post-It hash marks started multiplying. Then things really escalated. They started doing things that made me want to swear. A lot. OK, maybe that last part is more about my frayed nerves and being this close to "that time of the month." Currently, I think Max owes Tyler $1.2 million and I owe both boys around $250K.

Yeah. I think I am in the market for a new method of punishment.

Photography Rules: The Chubby Chick (mainly me)

After seeing a few nightmarish holiday photos this season, I have come up with the following guidelines.

Rules for photographing the fat chick (from a fat chick):

1. When framing the photo, only shoot from the mid-bust and up, if at all possible.
2. Try to stand a little above us. Straight on or from below is much less flattering.
3. Have us sit at an angle and turn our heads a bit to the side. Tilt the head up a tad and bring the chin forward. All will minimize double-chins and create a more flattering line.
4. If there are young children available, arrange them in front or have them sit in her lap. The object is to mask and hide the mid-section.
5.  In a group photo, have her stand in the back row. If she is short, have her be the one to hold up a sign, stand behind a sign or at least turn slightly to the side and extend one leg forward.
6. If you know photoshop and have fat women you love or care about, for heaven's sake, airbrush out our double chin! If you can fudge our waistline a tad, remove any tell-tale creases where our clothes might be fitting a bit too snugly, or in any other way shave off a few pounds - then DO IT! Trust me. We won't mind.
7. Don't take a photo of me from the back. I don't need to see my butt. This is just a personal request.
8. I don't like being in a photo alone. If you must have a photo of me...have everyone around squeeze in too!
9. Smile!

There you have it. Nothing too difficult. I could add something about barreling in certain lenses and using a telephoto...but I'll just keep it simple. *grin*

Christmas Card Reveal

I've received feedback from several of my card recipients, so I know the Post Office did their job OK this year. Thanks Postal Workers! So for the curious, here is the results of a day of photo searching, a day of playing with elves, a day of Photoshoppery and ordering, and a day of label making/sticking/envelope licking:



My Christmas Elves

Add in the fancy border, mom and pop elves (cartoony) and the wishes for a Happy Holiday on the side and voila...here it is! Thanks to Walmart for doing such a nice job on the finished card. I just wish they sent nicer envelopes, but I do get the whole "keep costs low" and "use recycled materials" thing. Maybe next year the boys will cooperate with my whole "Let's get dressed up and pose for a Christmas Photo like loving brothers!" thing. *snort*

On another topic... My annual pre-Christmas anxiety has set in with a vengeance. Every year I stress. Am I really done with my shopping? Did I forget any one? Did I buy enough to cover Santa's butt? I fear it looking cheap and skimpy under the tree. I know. I really AM grateful that we have a home and a tree and the ability to put something under it. We are blessed. Telling myself these things helps a bit, but I am still waking up multiple times at night in a sweat. That's why my FaceBook pals are seeing me on at such odd hours. Heh heh.

Oh crud, I am watching a commercial for Sobakawa pillows. The boys both asked for one this year. Darn these dumb "As Seen on TV" products. A couple years ago it was those stupid Snuggies. Both boys got one, wore them once, and I've never seen them again. Idiotic backwards robes. "Wearable Blankets" my butt. *grumbles* But shoot! I didn't get the cheezy pillows. I have a feeling they will be super uncomfortable and a total waste of money. Let's hope the interest in this magic pillow has faded. I'm not adding them to my shopping list. Not gonna do it.

No! Not gonna call your 800 number. Not going to your website. No no no!

Shoot...why do these commercials have to be so compelling?!

Santa

Tyler caught me by surprise the other day. We were driving in the Mom Mobile on our way to Wendy's for Tyler's favorite after-school snack. We were talking about Max's visit with Santa the weekend before and Tyler kept mentioning how all the "mall santas" were fake. Then he suddenly blurts out "Plus I think it's Mom and Dad doing all the work. I don't think Santa really comes to our house..."  Ouch.

If Max hadn't been in the car I probably would have had a frank discussion on that topic, but because Max WAS in the car I had to do some fast shuckin' and jivin'. I decided to take that opportunity to drive home one very important point. Santa isn't FREE anymore. I told the boys that 100s of years ago, the elves made all the toys by hand and Santa gave away all those neat wooden boats and wagons for free to all the good little boys and girls who believed in him.

Then the modern age arrived with machine made toys created in factories. Over time, the little boys and girls wanted the slick new toys they saw in the store windows and not the home crafted things Santa made in his workshop. So Santa had to make some changes. He was happy to bring those shiny machine made toys and put them under the tree, but he would need some help. Those toys cost money, so parent started including cash along with the plates of cookies and glasses of milk to help Santa offset his overhead.

The world's population grew and demand for modern toys at Christmas grew right along with it. Santa needed more time and money to get ready for his Christmas deliveries. So Santa modernized. He got himself a computer, email, a website...everything he needed to take orders all year long, process credit cards, upgrade his sleigh, and so on.  So Santa was happy to stay in business, the kids were happy with their video games, skateboards and bikes, and Mom's and Dad's...well...they tried to keep the bills from getting too crazy.

Tyler nodded his head in understanding. Then said..."Can we set up a hidden camera on Christmas Eve? I want to SEE Santa come down the chimney."

Yeah. I am working on that one now.

Christmas Card 2011

I've been toying with ideas for this year's Christmas card. I wanted to do something clever this year. Turning all of us into elves with that JibJab tool I posted yesterday on FaceBook may give a clue to what I was looking for, but it wasn't perfect. I couldn't do a clean screen capture and they want $80 to make all the cards I need for my list. Yeah. $80 is INSANE!

So I dusted off Photoshop and set out to turn us into elves myself. After various iterations, I determined that I make a really hideous elf. The boys look adorable (including John) but I can't send a card with just them and leave me out. People might wonder where the Mommy elf went. So I decided to just elf the kids. No one really wants to see us old farts anyway, right?

So I slept on it and looked at my work again today. I still like it, so I'm running with it. I'm debating whether to post my efforts here or just make you all wait until you receive your cards...

...

Yeah. I'm making you wait. *insert evil grin*

Watch us all dance as elves!

Growing Pains and Growing Older

26 degrees out. If I could feel my face I'd be blushing. Never been late bringing Tyler to school before.  This is just a couple days after getting a warning letter from his school (addressed to all parents) about chronic tardiness. I gave him a 20 minute warning. Then 10. Then 5. When I said "Time to go!" he said "But I'm not dressed yet!" *sigh*

We need to make some serious changes to the morning routine again. I used to have a "no video games or computer" rule but let that slide because he was waking up at DAWN and had nothing to do but pester us for hours before it was really time to wake up. LOL!  Allow computer time to buy me 30 or more minutes of sleep? You bet your sweet bippy! Maybe the new rule should be no computer or video games until he is fully dressed? Hmm. That might work. I'll have to get him to lay out his clothes on his desk chair the night before. He's not going to like new rules. But it will save our sanity just a little on these cold, dark mornings.

Now...how do I get a stubborn 10 year old to wear a winter coat, hat and gloves?! 26 degrees out and he grabs a sheep fleece lined hoodie. That's it. He flat out refused to put on anything else. Good gravy, I hope they don't send the kids outside today.

Speaking of 10 year olds - technically he doesn't turn 10 until tomorrow, but here is a slightly early birthday montage to remind us of how far he has come:

SlideShow

Happy Birthday son! I love you heaps and bunches!